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Beauty 102
Transcript Rehearsal. Ready? Craig conducts, a clone choir of three clones sings: Welcome to the Wheezy Waiter Shoooooow. Explosion! choir explodes Craig: Flat. Probably shouldn't have done the explosion for the rehearsal. Waiter beard intro in/carpet music Hey beardlovers. I'm not 100 percent sure about this yet, but it's Wednesday of John Travolta from Grease explodes into a picture of John Travolta bald Wednesday of Britney Spears with hair explodes into a picture of her bald Explosion of Hair explodes into a poster of Bald Wednesday at the back of Craig's head. Ahhh ah ah to reveal his balding spot to camera that's why I don't have hair back there. camera again Yeah, that's why! hehehehe... Shifty eyes shifty eyes. Speaking of beauty, which is a subject that often comes up when I'm involved, from article "the new Panasonic Lumix" ... Lummox? ... now I'm flummoxed ... "FX77 camera can take the red out of your eyes and add it to your lips and cheeks, whiten your teeth, change the size of your eyes, and can apply rouge, lipstick, or eye shadow." Pffft. Durr durr durr. I developed filters like that years ago. Look at the fan over there. See? Now it's Michelle Phan. of Michelle Phan appears where the fan was Looks a lot better, right? Alright, now let's put a makeup filter on. head (from The Drew Carey Show) appears where Craig's head used to be. Oooh god, too much, too much, take it off, take it off! Depp's head appears where Craig's head used to be. Oh! Now I removed all filters. This is how i really look. Wheezy filter back on. head is back. There we go. I like to downplay my beauty a little bit, stay in line with the common man. in an Italian accent I do it for-a the people. throat My real accent came out there for a second. Other beautiful things going on. from article: Green AURORAS light up night sky. I assume that's what auroras sound like but they could sound like this. of tinkling windchimes Or like this. music I hope they don't sound like Kenny G. reading: "A solar wind wreaked HAVOC on Earth's magnetic field yesterday setting off a daylong magnetic STORM that SPARKED brilliant green AURORAS." up I appreciate when you spew beauty, Sun. Pound it. enters frame. Nooo, don't pound it. I learned my lesson from last time. Head butt! butts the sun Owwwwww! Why did I think a head butt would be better? Aaaaugh! I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay. Ow. Don't headbutt the Sun, idiot. on screen: Don't headbutt the Sun, idiot. Craig Benzine. Now, anyone who watches my videos knows that I'm big into cars. I'm up on all the latest brands. The Pinto. Model T. Horse and buggy. Mystery Machine. Turbo-Teen, the teenager that turns into a car. Maybe it's the ridiculous amount of EXPLOSIONS per second but now scientists are trying to take that away from me. reading: "New 'nanolube' could cut engine friction by more than half." Seems like nanolube could have another application. eyebrows and makes funny face laughs Help fit fat people onto the bus. in a very mocking style: "Dr. Guojun Liu, a chemistry professor at Queens University augmented a base automobile engine oils with nanoscale nya nya nya nya...." Okay, you get the idea. The point is the more nanotechnology there is, the less EXPLOSIONS there will be. This is bad news if we want EXPLOSION Wednesday to become a thing. But I guess it's good for society. whispers: Who cares? In other news, reading: "EARTHQUAKES in Arkansas may be man-made, experts warn." It's already been established that this is the work of Quiet Clone. Clone enters the frame in the background. We know that he makes earthquakes happen when he's scared or excited. RIGHT, Quiet Clone? Clone makes a high-pitched sound as earthquake happens. head appears where Craig's was as he asks again: RIGHT, QUIET CLONE? Clone makes another scared sound as earthquake happens. sighs, leans forward and hits play on some Kenny G music. Quiet Clone makes a long high-pitched noise as a long earthquake rumbles and things fall from Craig's bookshelf. Craig: Not sure if he's afraid or if he's excited by this. (ding) outtakes: Pfft. Pfffft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. of Craig playing Kenny G music: This is the hardest thing I've ever had to film. Recurring themes clone, Explosion Wednesday, carpet music, beardlovers, headlines, the sun, "You can quote me on that.", Quiet Clone, wink, outtakes Wink Wink submitted by http://youtube.com/maxzen203.